Issue
1. Margaret Cho
2. Hate your job
3. Oprah-breathe
4. Colors at work
5. Caged Animal
6. Disabled Body
7. Opposites  Attract
8. Offshore Jobs
9. Manage Passion
10. Decisions
11. Identify & Attract
12. Give & Receive
13. Conflict Resolution
14. Mental Projection
15. Life is a Kite
16. Collateral
17. Green Thing
18. Turn,Turn,Turn
19. Ladder 49
20. Not easy Green
21. Find Neverland
22. Type your Buyer

My newsletter comes out  every two weeks and contains success stories from our readers, plus other career hints and relationship tips.

Issue #1: Margaret Cho Shows her Colors

As I was drifting off to sleep the other night, I inadvertently turned to a Showtime special by stand up comedian, Margaret Cho, entitled "I'm The One That I Want." She had her own TV show in the 90's called the All American Girl.

Well, so much for falling to sleep. Her compelling story kept me awake for another hour vacillating between laughing and feeling deep sympathy for this talented young lady. Margaret is a good example of someone who was totally out-of-esteem from living her life according to everyone else's expectations. She joked about how she never felt accepted by anyone, anyplace she had ever been her whole life including her family, the kids in school, and her own Asian community. She eventually lost her TV show because she wasn't Asian enough for the network sponsors, was an embarrassment to the Asian community, and was not thin enough for the viewers and her producers.

Her outspoken personality didn't fit the image that people expect from Asians. The stereotypical Asian person has a quiet, humble, and more subdued personality with Gold values. But Margaret has an extraverted, spontaneous, free-spirited, Orange personality, which is who she is and this transcends her race and culture. After almost killing herself through drugs and alcohol, she finally woke up and realized who she was - she found her true self. She is now embraced by her audience and receiving all the love, applause, and accolades that she always craved and never got from anyone before.

This is what happens when we wake up and discover who we are and live our life as the person we were born to be. Doing what we were born to do naturally follows. Watching Margaret perform leaves no doubt in my mind that she is a natural born comedian. Kudos to Margaret! [top]

Issue #2: Know Anyone Who Hates Their Job

I get letters saying how people have worked most of their lives in a job they hated. Way back, their parents told them this is the way it's going to be and they accepted it. Here is a case story of a green trapped in gold work.

For most of my life I have struggle with being "green"... I shared your book with my family this last weekend. As it turns out BOTH of my parents are very strong "golds". We have always had a general misunderstanding about thoughts and ideas. They get frustrated because I am constantly trying new things, going new places, formalizing new ideas for the future. All my life I had dreamed of being a veterinarian. Instead I let family obligation over-take and ended up becoming Vice President of my father's corporation. It was work that I suffered with for many years because of its mundane daily process and my father's authoritarian management style. I enjoyed creating new projects, expanding, and modernizing but when the ideas were "shot down" I lost interest. Two years ago I finally broke away. Since I have read your book, I have been reacquainted with that life long dream of being a veterinarian. You have inspired and empowered me. I wish I would have read your book when I was my student's age.....I might have made different choices. Which leads me to tell you how important I think your book is for all ages but especially young adolescents. I didn't know who I was in my teens. "Follow Your True Colors to The Work You Love"... would have been so helpful to me to find strength in who I was at the time. I believe everyone is born with a gift of "right livelihood" and that is always the thing that they love most as a child. I think it is so important for children to understand that they are special and that they have special gifts to share with the world. I think your book does a wonderful job of facilitating that inner work. I had so much fun sharing your book with this group of "future veterinarians" and inspiring them to believe in themselves and their dreams. It is such important work.  [top]

Issue #3: Oprah Makes a Billion Dollars by "just breathing"

Oprah Winfrey is a perfect example of someone who knows who she is and uses her true talents - her God-given talents to earn a living and make a contribution to the world. I once read an article where she said that when she first saw the job title - talk show host - she said "I can do that, that's like breathing." For Oprah, no truer words were ever spoken. When we watch her day after day on her national TV show we know that she is certainly living her life on purpose and reaping the benefits.

Oprah has cracked the code! She figured out what she does best and she is doing it. She is a natural born communicator who speaks from her heart and inspires millions of people to live their best life.

What is Oprah's formula for success? It's so simple you could miss it. Each of the four personalities has unique gifts and when they tap into these and use them, they have a greater chance of being successful. Oprah is a true blue. You too, can be successful by learning your "colors" and using your natural skills and talents.

Notice how Oprah doesn't struggle and her work flows effortlessly. When you show up and be who you are and do what you do best, like Oprah, it will feel like breathing.  [top]
 

Issue #4: How the different colors work

When I look around at the different hot jobs in Los Angeles, I'm drawn to the growing number of Pilates studios. Most gyms are also starting to offer Pilates. What is Pilates and what personality type would enjoy doing this work? First, Pilates is a gentle form of exercise that uses springs, ropes and pulleys to workout your body. I did it last year and toned up quite a bit. My neighbor has found it's the only exercise to strengthen his sore back. It seems to be geared more for women and is generally taught by women. It's an exercise where you always have a personal trainer helping you.

So what type of personality enjoys being a Pilates trainer?

If you're a blue personality you could really get into helping people. Plus the conversations during the workout would play into your communications skills.

If you're a gold personality, you would be really good at keeping schedules and workout plans for all your clients. Your joy would be in the perfect execution and a satisfied client. However, the lack of a structured 9 to 5 routine may diminish your desire for this type of work.

On the other hand, oranges seem to love this work. They are not tied down to a desk from 9 to 5. The freedom of a private practice and being in a gym environment appeals to most oranges. At my gym most of the trainers are orange. I have an athletic orange niece who would make an excellent Pilates trainer. She loves to talk and would keep her clients entertained during their session.

Greens may not find this work the most appealing because after the first week there may not be enough mental stimulation for them. Greens love how the machines work and how they interact with the body. For some greens, this mechanical fascination and good pay would entice them to this line of work.

In summary, some jobs are more appealing to one type of personality. If your first color is not a good match, perhaps your second color is calling you to that profession.

If you don't know your colors, take my free quiz at www.truecolorscareer.com and also see my book, Follow Your True Colors To The Work You Love.  [top]
 

Issue #5: Caged Animal - Free Spirit

Cheryl had been a successful pharmacist for over 22 years. The pay was great, the stress was low, yet she knew that her recent illness was not curable by any of the drugs she dispensed. She knew after two years in the field that she was in the wrong job, but the money and security and all the years of education and training kept her going in this career.

She had a wake up call one day and became a seeker to figure out what was causing her health to deteriorate? Deep down she felt it was the job that she hated. All the money she made could not fix this. If she didn't change something her life would be sucked out of her. She was getting desperate.

When I met Cheryl the first thing she told me was that she hated her job. After spending some time assessing her personality the words, "you must feel like a caged animal" popped out of my mouth. She looked at me in amazement and said "how did you know."

How did I know this? The answer is not difficult when you understand a person's true values and their natural talents. In Cheryl's case, she was out of alignment with both. She is an Orange personality doing work better suited for a Gold, her opposite. Filling prescriptions day in and day out just did not satisfy her soul.

There is no coincidence that our paths crossed at this time. Shortly after our conversation which helped her understand herself better and what made her heart sing, she quit her job. She decided not to totally leave her field of work but figured out a way to use her transferable skills in her new work. She went to work as a Union Business Agent for the UFCW (United Food Commercial Workers). Now she represents the issues of many pharmacists and others who are employed in drug stores. She spends her day traveling from one location to another visiting with the clients that she represents. She is actually getting paid to use her most enjoyable skill - communicating with others. The freedom, spontaneity, and variety in her work satisfies her true values. These are her true orange values and natural talents she had been suppressing for over 22 years.

When I see Cheryl now, she is a different person. The caged animal has been liberated and her spirit is soaring. It's often difficult to leave a lucrative job, although it dampens your spirit. Cheryl took a leap of faith, silently guided by her spirit, trusting that she would land safely.

You don't necessarily have to abandon your education and experience to find more satisfying work. Find out how to do your job differently in your field by networking with your colleagues and others. The key is to use your true values and your most enjoyable skills. This is the secret to feeling passionate about your work.  [top]

Issue #6: Disabled Body - Unlimited Mind

Fresh out of graduate school, Tisa had dreams of a bright future awaiting her as a counselor. She had trained her collegiate life for this and had earned her MA degree in Educational Psychology and Counseling. But in the summer of 1979 shortly after graduating from the University of California, Berkeley, Tisa was in a car accident that wrecked her body, leaving her paralyzed as a quadriplegic with a little motion in her right hand.

She worked for a short time as an advocate for the disabled out of the concern for those worse off than her, but she never forgot her dream of being a counselor. She went to the Department of Rehabilitation, thinking they could help her find work. She explained that she had a degree in counseling and asked them to help with employment in this field. They responded "we will help you get a job but not in counseling because it's too difficult, too competitive, and you won't stand a chance." Unknowingly, they also broke her spirit.

Feeling desperate and thinking this is better than sitting at home, Tisa left the office that day with a job as a representative for State Disability Employment Insurance. Her job was to sit at a computer and process claim forms for deceased people. She struggled with the routine of doing the same old thing every day for 8 hours. After a year she was so bored and depressed the she knew she could not continue to do this work. She told her employer that she was going to quit and they said "if you quit, you're on your own."

This may have been enough to discourage many in her condition but not Tisa. She was not about to let her physical limitations limit her. All the security in the world was not worth her sacrificing her passion.

She did quit and began to pursue a counseling job on her own. When I first met Tisa she was volunteering for the Special Resources Center for people with disabilities at the college where I was working as a counselor. I was so impressed with her skills that I invited her to a True Colors workshop. She did the personality assessment and I could see that she was an Orange-Blue personality. Gold was her last color and this was the kind of work the Rehab office had assigned her to.

Looking back at her job with State Disability Employment Insurance, the skills required for her job processing claim forms are strengths for the Gold color. Yet, Gold is her last color, representing her weaknesses. Is there any reason why she hated her job? She had to focus all day on doing tasks that she was not good at and had no interest in. Has this ever happened to you?

I introduced Tisa to the person in charge of the counseling department and she was instantly hired as a part time counselor because of her credentials. Now, she is doing academic and career counseling which is her dream. She loves being active so she didn't stop there. She is also teaching career classes, speaking at conferences and doing workshop presentations. Currently she is developing an on-line career development class.

Today Tisa is living the life of her true self -- the Orange personality -- with all the variety, fun, and excitement that she needs to keep her interested. Her body was broken but her spirit wasn't. If she had stayed in the job assigned to her, her spirit would have also been broken and the world would never have experienced the true gifts of this incredible woman.

What limits you from following your dreams?  [top]

Issue #7: Opposites Attract But Can They Make Successful Business Partners

We have all heard the cliche "opposites attract," referring to love relationships but we may not have considered how productive this can be in work partnerships. Opposite personality types bring different strengths to a team effort and allow each person to contribute their special talents. It becomes not only more fun for everyone involved but a much more effective and efficient process.

Read about how this couple, who are opposite personalities, capitalized on their different strengths to work together successfully.

"I want to let you know how wonderful your book is. My mother is a human resources manager and attended a seminar where she bought your book and in turn gave it to me. I was immediately drawn to learn more about myself and urged my husband to read the book also.

At the time I was a miserable stay at home mom and my husband had been an over worked, under paid restaurant manager for ten years. Although I am a gold, blue and my husband is an orange, green we both had real estate in the list of careers that would fit our personalities.

We both went to real estate school and now work together for a real estate company. Since my husband is an orange he is not organized
at all. I am a gold who is an organizational fanatic. I keep in contact with all the clients, set up showings, do all the paperwork and my husband only has to do what he does best, which is sell, sell, sell. At the same time I am able to take off with my daughter and still play mom, which takes care of the blue in me.

We are now beginning our second year in real estate. We are projected to double our income this year and anticipate much more rewards in the future.

Thank you so much for your research and this fantastic book! It has without a doubt, truly changed our lives for the better."
TB Shreveport, LA

[top]

Issue #8: Love it or Lose it
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.

A lot of people have lost their jobs due to offshore outsourcing. There is a deeper spiritual issue at play here. Many people who worked in these "Level 1" support positions took the job because it was there. Were they really happy about the work they were doing? Sure, it paid the bills, but did it satisfy their soul? Is this the work they were born to do? If this was their ideal career and they really enjoyed their work, they will have no problem finding similar or better work.

Major corporations find it cheaper to outsource their Level 1 phone support to countries like India. I know that when I call for a computer question or software support, the person I'm speaking to is in another country. Even a company my husband worked for used workers in St. Kitts, the Caribbean, to do data entry, paying them $6,000 per year versus $40,000 in the US. As these positions are eliminated in the US, they are never coming back, and workers who have been laid off due to outsourcing need to use their transferable skills to find new work that they enjoy.

If you are not happy with your work, a spiritual law says that you will not have it long. This unhappiness means that you need a change and if you are not willing to make the change, the universe will make it for you. Don't blame the corporations for off shoring your job. Everything happens for a reason and you needed to get unstuck. For every door that closes, a better one opens. But if you're stuck in a job you don't like, there is no room for a new job to come through or for that door to swing open.

If you go into depression over the loss of a job, you are entering the victim mode. "Why did this happen to me?" Anger and denial have the same effect. They prevent you from moving on. How can you be ready for the next opportunity while these feelings are holding you in the past?

If you feel like you current job is where you need to be for now, but you don't like it, then you have to find something, other than a pay check, that makes it enjoyable. It can be the social aspect, where your interaction with others, is the most important work you do. If not, you can fool yourself, but the universe never fools around.

How do you find that bigger and better door? What is the work that you came here to do? When I started counseling many years ago, I could see that people were really asking more than "what job should I get" but rather "what should I do with my life?" I show people how to discover their natural gifts and talents and then use them to find the work they will love.

Everyone loves doing something and they are usually very good at it. It comes naturally and is never considered work. This is what happens when you use your unique gifts and talents.

In conclusion, if you are not loving the work you do, beware. If you are not willing to make the change, it may be made for you. I feel there is a "quickening" happening now as we shift from the Piscean to the Aquarian age and as a result these decisions can happen suddenly.   [top]
 

Issue #9: Manage your Passion: What makes the best managers?
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.

In the best selling book, "First, Break All The Rules" by Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman, they said that "talented employees need great managers." Excellent front-line managers had engaged their employees and these engaged employees had provided the foundation for top performance. After looking at 25 years of data, they said that great managers don't follow the rules of conventional wisdom and summed up their motto in these phases:

People don't change that much.
Don't waste time trying to put in what was left out.
Try to draw out what was left in.
That is hard enough

The first line says that each person has their own special gifts and talents, which they bring to this world. They are born with these talents, which can not be taught, whereas skills, like typing, and knowledge, like programming, can be taught. You can not teach talent, you can only select for talent.

Using a color spectrum as my frame of reference, your talents are expressed in your primary color. It doesn't have to be a mystery what your talents are, although 60% to 80% of the workforce is not using their talents in their work or they wouldn't be so unhappy with their jobs. Your color spectrum gives you many hints to your special talents.

Don't waste time trying to put in what was left out -- and - Maximize or try to draw out what was left in. Your first two colors are your strengths, the last two are your weaknesses. Good managers bring out a person's strengths and work to increase these. When you work in your strengths or talents, the work comes easy and time seems to fly. You feel energized at the end of the day instead of being exhausted. When you work in your weakness, the work seems difficult and draining.

When is comes to annual review time, most conventional managers grade their employers on what was left out. They critique on the person's weaknesses and set goals to improve these. There is never enough energy devoted to praising the person for their strengths.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if your manager praised you for the work you do using your talents and then said, "Let's devise a plan, a strategy, to use your talents even more. Your success will bring us both success and profitability for the company. I know you have weaknesses and let's manage around those." Draw out what's left in, don't worry about what's not there. With this kind of review who would not want to excel, who wouldn't look forward to each day of work joyfully.

Managing weaknesses might mean for a person who has a hard time filling out expense reports, to get this task delegated to someone who loves doing them, instead of demanding that the employee set aside two hours at the end of the day to complete this mundane task.

So great managers recognize the natural talent and bring this out. They don't worry about the weaker colors. They know people don't change. You are born with your talents, they can not be learned. You just use them naturally and get great satisfaction when using them. Great managers recognize this talent in an individual even before the individual does.

Great managers don't worry about the employee's weaknesses. They have learned to build a team where the skills needed in your last color are provided by others where this is their strength. I'll cover more about team building in a future ezine.

How do great managers hire? They look for talent and see how the candidate is using their gifts. I'll take a separate ezine to cover this.

Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.  -- Support and spouse to Carolyn Kalil  [top]

Issue #10: Decisions, Decisions, Decisions ...
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.

In the old days, actually just 5 years ago, the job market was wide open and you often had a choice of jobs. Which offer should I take was often the question. Today, you're lucky just to get one offer.

Today, we have to be more selective in a career search and smarter in our quest. Just because a job pays well, does not mean you will enjoy it. Enjoyment comes from doing what you love. It comes from matching the inner game with the outer game. We all have unique gifts and talents we brought into this life. It's important to discover and identify what these are. They are the clues to the work you love. These clues may show up in your hobbies, your daily conversations, or what you spend your down time doing. These interests come from your inner game. When we're happy on the inside, it's reflected on the outside. Start with your strengths and the foundation is sturdy. I use a color spectrum to let people quickly find their gifts.

Don't cop out and say "I'm good at everything." That maybe true, but some "things" bring you more enjoyment than others. Follow your joy. Think about it, dream about it. Spiritual law says that you become, or manifest, what you think about most of the time.  [top]

Issue #11: Identify and Attract
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.

When you identify what your heart wants, your passion, you
will be successful. If this is what you were born to do,
the universe is always working with you to bring this into
reality. The times it doesn't work is when you have doubting
thoughts that counteract the positive creative thoughts. Not
only do thoughts create good fortune, our thoughts can also
prevent us from achieving our goals. For example, "It won't
happen" or "I don't deserve this" or "I can't get a good
paying job" or "so-and-so won't do their part to make this
happen" or "what if I'm not good looking enough for this
position." These negative thoughts all have the same effect.
They tell the universe that this is what you really want.
Stop working on my prior success track and start working on
my anti-success track. I seem to want this more.

We are all creators - so create good stuff, create exactly
what you want. We have to take responsibility for creating
the good and creating the bad in our lives. It's the same
process. The universe just takes our thoughts and fulfills
them. Nix the doubt. Follow your job. Remember – you create
what you think about most of the time.  [top]
 

Issue #12: To Give and Receive - the same thing
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.

Are you comfortable receiving compliments? Do you squirm or
feel obligated to return the compliment? Do you easily and
effortlessly give compliments? Or is it difficult for you to
give them? Maybe you never think to give them or you're not
in the habit of giving them?

In essence, giving and receiving are the same. You can't do
one without the other. It doesn't seem to matter what the
medium is. It can be giving money to charity, buying Boy Scout
raffle tickets, or donating your time to your local non-profit
group. In the case of compliments, it's just love and
human compassion. I'll focus mostly on compliments in this
article because they don't require material wealth and everyone
can give them. In the bigger picture, we can all share our
talents, our gifts that we brought to this world. Doing the
work you love is a giving of your gifts and sets you up for
receiving, either in the form of money or appreciation,
gratitude or love.

In colors terms you might think that only Blues are good at
giving compliments. They are always the ones to tell you how good you
look, how they like your outfit, or the way your smile brightens
your face. The Blues are the heartfelt and compassionate group
that wear their heart on their sleeve. When Golds receive a
compliment, they feel obligated to return one. Oranges will
acknowledge a compliment and feel good from it. Greens are either
embarrassed by them or ignore them.

First, when you don't acknowledge the compliment you are preventing
the giver from giving. The gift wasn't received. The giver already
knows at a deep level that the more he or she gives, the more they
will receive. For the giver this is called selfless giving. You give
freely because you want to and you expect nothing in return. The
Universe keeps score, like an energy balance, or the first law of
thermodynamics - "Energy is neither created or destroyed." When the
time is right, you get to receive. You just don't get to pick what,
when and how this will happen, but it always happens and it's always
good.

Give it a try. Give away compliments for a week. They don't have to
be fancy or special just
  "You look great today!"
  "I like your hair"
  "You have beautiful eyes"
  "What a lovely shirt"

If the receiver wants to reciprocate, try gently putting your hand up
as to say, "it's OK the only reply I'm expecting is 'thank you very
much'." It may take a while to "train" yourself and the receivers.

How do you feel when the receiver tries to compliment you back? Do you
feel cheated, like your compliment didn't mean anything, or it just
wasn't received. Your intent was selfless giving. How can you receive
if you can't give.

Sales people know if they give you a little gift you will feel
obligated to reciprocate and give in the form of buying. They give you
a $1 bottle of water and you buy a $20,000 car.

The Universal law doesn't care about the equality of the media.

We all need to share our talents, our gifts that we brought to this
world. When we give freely of our gifts, we feel wonderful, we feel
on purpose, and we are assured of receiving. Doing the work you love
sets you up for receiving, either in the form of money or
appreciation, gratitude or love, or all of these. No good deed is
ever left unrewarded. So the simple lesson that giving and receiving
are the same, turns out to be very powerful.  [top]

Issue #13: Conflict Resolution from Within
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.

Ever wonder why you get mad at your best friend? Do you often wonder why someone is mad at you? Let's take a look at our inner game and see how it influences our outer world.

I'm going to use the workplace in this example because it's easy to relate to. In my past field, Information Technology, the many IT groups I've worked with always had a bit of tension among their staff. The tension may have come from miss-communication, jealousy, greed or sometimes from non-verbal communication. There may be clicks within a department. In some groups one person maybe singled out and discriminated against, but more often there are several different groups, each of which wants your vote.

How does this start and how do you break this cycle?

I've seen it start where one person or group doesn't think highly of someone. This may be related to conflicting personalities - or temperaments. You could have one personality type ticked off at anyone who is different from them. It doesn't matter if the "others" get their job done, they didn't do it the way this type wanted to see it done. As a result, the individuals in this group will create a story of why the other person is wrong. This is called projection. We project our opinion, or our story, to make the other person wrong and us right. We are always right, no matter what. The "wronged" party may feel the animosity from the accuser, but has no idea why. They just know that sides have been drawn and they often chose not to challenge this "story."

There are several exercises I use in workshops to change this. They all have to do with forgiveness, but only self-forgiveness. It's not about the other person. It's about forgiving yourself. You can be right or you can be at peace.

Holding a grudge or being mad at a co-worker may not do anything to the co-worker but it will take its toll on you. It's always in your best interest to release this and let it go. Clear your channels so something good can come in. As long as you hold onto these negative feelings, you've blocked the way for all the good that is just waiting to come through. The good is always there. It's always ready to enter, ready for us to use. We just put up road blocks and forget why or what they're for. Sometimes, the reason isn't even important, just something we made up. When one person releases and heals, the whole group heals. I've seen such dramatic shifts with simple release techniques.

Once we fix our inner game, success and harmony show up in our outer game. [top]

Issue #14: Mental Projection
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.

How do simple things get screwed up? My friend told me that she was afraid that if her husband knew who she really was, he would stop loving her and maybe even leave her. She felt she was not pretty enough and not good enough for him. I could not believe what I was hearing from this beautiful and caring woman. Somewhere down the line she made up this story about herself and projected it into her reality that this is who she really is. One little thought of self-doubt gave her ego enough ammunition to take over. She panicked and finally told her husband and he reassured her that he loved her and had no intention of leaving her.

In another example of projection, I was speaking with a family member about joining me for a Saturday bike ride. I didn't hear back from him directly, but I heard through the grapevine that he was mad at me because I thought he was fat and how dare I insinuate that he needed to work out. My intent was only to find a partner to enjoy a bike ride with. He "projected" his story over my invitation. He projected the thought that he was overweight, not me.

We all do this "projection." We project our feelings and current thoughts into a situation. The other person (me in this case) never intended this outcome, but that doesn't matter. We make up our own story and then own it. Our ego takes over and is full control, defending our story. We will be right, no matter what.

Now suppose I was the one making up the story. With my ego's projection, I have now put the other innocent person in the jail. I have put them in my prison – but who's really in prison. The other person is walking around without a care in the world and wonders why they haven't heard from me. I've created my own prison and I'm stuck, keeping them in it. How did I just put myself in jail? The damage can go even deeper. When I hang onto this "story," which I made up, it represents a blockage of negative thought energy. It can "harden" and become part of my physical being. Days, weeks, months, years can go by and if not cleared, this "story" hardens into a physical manifestation such as a sickness, stiff shoulders, an ulcer, even cancer.

I've noticed that when I make up my stories, it's always starts with my weaknesses. I know that my strengths are problem solving and getting things done. My weaknesses are in organizing and not making call backs in a timely manner. I can easily beat myself up over this, but I've learned to recognize this as my weakness, which is my last card, and stop beating myself up over it.

It's never about the other person and from my example above, it's all about me and my story. How do you break out of this vicious cycle? It's easy - just forgive yourself. You don't need to forgive the other person, although you can, but it was never about them in the first place. It started with me and will finish with me. When I release what I'm holding on to, it's over and I can move on.

When one heals, we all heal. When I heal myself, the other person I put in jail, just got a "get out of jail" card, even though he doesn't need it.
[top]

Issue #15: Life is Like a Kite
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.

The colorful kite is darting left, then right, up, down. I'm at the beach watching a single line kite fly. The wind is brisk but the kite won't stay in one place and there's no control with a single line kite. When it starts to drop, you pull the line and hope that it turns and sails upward. I like to fly the two string, delta wing stunt kites, where you have complete control of the kite. I've noticed that people fly these kites according to their personalities.

It's like we go into auto pilot with the kite and our personality come shinning through. For example, my flying partner is a gold. He makes the most perfect squares and figure eights. This is the perfection that golds strive for. When my son, an orange, flies he just likes to make the kite spin in one direction and then the other, producing lots of noise and a flurry of action. Occasionally a blue flies with me and they just like a smooth back and forth. For them, it's the gentleness and beauty. My green style, is not so much a style as it is an appreciation of how the kite flies and the control I have over it. My style is to just be different. My squares are more like rectangles and my figure eights look like capital B's. I like pushing the kite to the limits of the wind, all the way to the end of the wind envelop until the kite almost drops out of the sky and then make a quick turn back into the wind. There is a trust that the wind will do its part and I will do mine. There is little room for error. The kite responds instantly to my directions and pulls with enough force to almost lift me off my feet.

It dawns on me that life is like this kite I'm now watching. Most of the time, it is on auto pilot and flies without a problem. It's when circumstances change that it dips, changes direction, and all of a sudden there's trouble. When something goes wrong in our life, like a relationship, we let the ego tug our string instead of focusing on our source. With a two string kite, we are in control of our destiny as body, mind and spirit work seamlessly together. When we trust our auto-pilot, our higher self, we always soar.  [top]

Issue #16: Collateral
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.

Tom Cruise, as Vincent, puts himself in front of Max, played by Jamie Fox, for a thrilling ride. Vincent is a Green-Orange personality being well educated and always spouting words of wisdom and Zen sayings. Max is a Gold-Blue personality with "the cleanest cab I've ever been in" to the way he perfectly lines up his island getaway photo on the sun visor. Max visits his mother every night and knows precisely how long it takes to get from point to point. Vincent and Max are exact opposites.

Vincent is on a 5 stop mission, a man of action, while Max is on a 12 year part time gig – driving a cab. In a jazz club, Vincent tells Max to listen behind the music and feel what's going on. These two are so different yet each one has a message for the other.

Max despises Vincent, not so much for his ability to kill without caring but for the fact that Vincent is doing something with his misdirected life instead of the safe job of driving a cab. Vincent is a mirror for Max, to show Max what's wrong in his, Max's life. What Max reacts to in Vincent are actually the short comings in Max's own life and Vincent even spells it out for Max.

Now the mirror works both ways. If Vincent is showing Max what changes he needs to make, what is Max showing Vincent? Vincent has trouble with the fact that Max is pure, without an evil bone in his body. Max would rather back off than have an argument. I think Vincent can learn compassion from Max, whose hard green exterior shuts off all emotion to the point where killing is just a job. The lessons we don't learn, we are doomed to repeat again and again.

What is your mirror showing you? What events keep reoccurring in your life?  [top]

Issue #17: It's a Green Thing
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.

You don't have to be a Green personality to appreciate this article because we all know a green that it could apply to. I've noticed two green things I did unconsciously yesterday. I have a habit of defending myself in preparation for an attack. This shows up as a "know it all" attitude and I often express it in a way "that I know everything, thus you can't attack me on this." I (my ego) am constantly on the lookout for attack.

While I was on the bike path, I was getting ready to pass a teenager on a slow moving 3 wheeler rental bike. It's always good and safe practice to pass on the left but this cycler was inching to the left. Decision time - was I going to pass on the right as there was no more room on the left or slow down and avoid a crash. My instinct said to hold back and sure enough the cycler made a right turn from the left lane. I yelled at him to look before he turned next time. I felt self righteous after I had attacked this innocent kid. Then it dawned on me what I had done. It was my defense-attack mode. Deep down I felt awful for yelling at this kid. On the other hand, I was elated that I had caught myself practicing my old habit. I silently thanked the kid for helping me see this.

Soon I was at my car, which was parked on the street facing downhill. A little BMW325i was parked behind me and was really crammed into the space leaving me little room to load my bike on the rack. There I was criticizing the driver for making me bend and contort to put my bike on the rack. There was less than 1 foot of room behind the BMW so this driver must have worked hard to squeeze into this spot. Well, today was the day for my lessons. What are the chances of the BMW driver coming up right then to leave? My inner voice was ready to pick a fight. "OK dude, let's see you get out of this space without hitting my car or bike - I dare you!" Then all of a sudden it hit me what I was doing. I had invited this situation, just like the kid on the bike a half hour ago. I quickly got the driver's attention and told him to wait a minute while I moved my car forward. He was relieved and thankful and I felt good. I abandoned my defend-attack mode and offered love instead. The Course in Miracles says "If I defend, I am attacked." I was a living example of this.

All this has happened because I asked for a change. My Green behavior was getting me stuck in a rut. I needed a change. I started "The Artist's Way" three days earlier and was doing my "morning pages" when I started to sense a shift. I've been letting the loud ego voice unconsciously control me. There was no room for the soft, sweet voice of spirit to come through. The morning pages made perfect sense to my green mind. Let the ego vent on these pages and when it is done, there is a space for a kind gentle voice to make itself heard. Deep down I knew this would work and I was witnessing the results. That same night I said "Yes!" when my wife said she wanted to see the movie De-Lovely. I was not excited about seeing this because the critics had panned it, but I put away that defend-attack voice and said yes and thoroughly enjoyed the movie. I loved it. It was magical how Cole Porter created his lyrics to express his love and feelings. I've taken a lesson from Cole Porter in how to express my real feelings and not use the passive-agressive of my past.

If you're not familiar with "The Artist's Way" here is a link to it on Amazon: The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Inner Workbook)  [top]

Issue #18: To Every Seasons, Turn, Turn,Turn
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.

Recently three people in my life have life threatening illnesses. The Green in me wants to figure it out so I can offer them healing advice. After all, who knows more than a Green. "Listen to me, do as I tell you and you will be OK. I know how to heal you" so says the green voice in my head. This may be fine and dandy but the people who are in ill health don't need my green opinions and most times don't even want to hear them.

Fortunately, I live with a Blue companion, Carolyn, and she had me back off on my approach, which is really hard for a green. I mean really hard because I'm a green know it all. She had me put on a blue hat to do this work. Even though blue is my third color, when I drop my ego "know it all" and accept the compassionate blue role, the people I'm dealing with have an easier time listening and hearing what I have to say. This is a lesson for me, but one that I could only learn by adopting my shadow color side. At least my green side figured out that it could not help, but it could evoke another mode that could. That green is always thinking and scheming. As Otis Redding said, "it's time for peace and understanding."

When I approach my friends with the blue card first, they listen and don't put up their guard. They respond and offer more info than I had asked for. It brings out their blue side and in so doing, opens a door for their own healing to come through.

Let's see if this example can illustrate it. My uncle is suffering from kidney and liver problems, most probably brought on by diabetes. The easiest approach is to criticize his eating habits and say "See what happens when you eat this way!" This just throws up his defenses and blocks all further conversations. The Blue approach is to honor his choices and ask him how he feels after eating certain foods and why. Let him draw his own conclusions as to cause and effect. There are many ways for him to control the diabetes without focusing on blame or shame. Treating him with love and compassion seems to have the most desirous effect.

If I approach this case with my Green or Orange side, he would never hear my message. My Gold side wants to go and cook for him, force feed him and nurse him back to health. He will probably rebel against this and fall even lower after I leave. It's the compassion, acceptance without blame or judgment that wins the race. If he decides to drastically change his diet and lifestyle, that's great. If he doesn't, that's also great. It is his choice, not mine, no matter how much I want him to change. I have to honor his choice and support him in it.

This has been a tough-love lesson for me. With the approach I have taken, I now feel good, regardless of the outcome. In my Green approach, I would only feel good if he took my advice. This is all part of selfless giving. I can give without expecting anything in return. I've honored his spirit and leave him with his dignity and self-esteem. “It's time for peace and understanding.�[top]

Issue #19: Ladder 49
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.

Joaquin Phoenix plays fireman Jack Morrison, who is stuck in a blazing building and reliving all the memorable moments in his life. These scenes show Orange or Blue incidents in his life. Jack is definitely a primary Orange and a secondary Blue, and almost everyone at Station 49, where he works, is a primary Orange. They like to party hard and play pranks on each other. There is never a dull moment and the orange scenes always involve a gag or the heat and danger of a blazing fire. There is danger everywhere and this is what Jack lives for. Jack's blue side is used to make him loveable as we're shown him falling in love and playing with his kids.

Jack says he loves what he does. He is always on the edge, ready to risk his life to save someone else's. He says outright that he loves the action and the adventure. After one of his friends is killed in a fire, he questions his faith and he is offered a safe desk job. He tells his wife, who would have him take it so she doesn't have to worry about him. But he realizes, that even though he can make her happy with the desk job (a gold job), he will not be happy. He has a tough choice to make and he decides to follow his passion – saving others.

We all have times in our lives when we can take the safe and perhaps dull road. We may get financial stability, but we give up a major part of ourselves when we do so. We deny our passion and no matter how much money we make we are never satisfied. We always feel unfulfilled. Jack made the right choice and lived his life to the fullest.[top]

Issue #20: It's Not Easy Being Green
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.

Kermit the Frog had it right. Sometimes my green just gets in the way. Or when I get together with another green, we tend to lock out everyone who is not green. I was helping a neighbor, who is an electrical engineer, fix his computer. We started talking, mostly telling each other stories about science feats that we've done in the past. These are the kind of stories only another green could appreciate, let alone understand. Soon it escalated into one up man-ship to see who could tell the best story. This is where the science involved is just over the head of the other person, but still intriguing and requires a stretch.

I had to bow to my neighbor. His story about the know-it-plant was the best. When he was a grad student long ago, he participated in an experiment to see if they could get a plant to turn the lights on and water itself. They selected a rubber plant and hooked it up to an EKG, the same medical instrument used to measure heart beats.

Every day at the same time, a student researcher came into the room and tortured the plant by playing loud music, pinching the leaves and talking harshly. The EKG traces were low. Exactly 30 minters later, the good researcher came in and played soothing music, talked softly to the plant, watered it and gave it a pinch of fertilizer. The EKG pattern got higher. After two weeks, they noticed that the plant responded favorably on the EKG even before the good researcher came into the room. Actually, the plant knew when the good researcher was within 250 feet. He could be outside the building with the doors shut and the plant knew he was there, regardless of the time of day.

They didn't have an explanation for this but being electrical engineers, they took the high signal from EKG and used it to turn on the lights and water. I know the answer now, but back then who knew that plants had "awareness." There is a movie out now called "What the 'Blink' do we know." It's mix of when quantum physics meets metaphysics - just like this plant experiment 30 years ago. This is the neat part of being green. [top]

Issue #21: Is Your Work Meeting Your Core Values?
by Carolyn Kalil

We cannot underestimate the importance of the core values that we hold near and dear to us. Yet, they are often overlooked because they are hidden from us. While we cannot see our values they motivate how we think, feel and behave. If the work we do daily compromises what we care about most we will experience a lot of stress and feelings of dissatisfaction on the job.

A good example of this is an email below that I received from a woman who is a Blue personality and a family litigation attorney. 

"WOW! Your book is awesome. I've done several of the careers already in the blue section and am currently a family litigation attorney. Thanks to you, I now know why on the one hand I gain great satisfaction helping others, especially the underdog, but I feel almost sick and want to procrastinate until the end whenever I have to be confrontational or get confrontational documents from other aggressive attorneys. I have decided with the help of your book, to return to teaching (I was a high school English teacher before law school), but at the college level utilizing my law degree, communication skills and counseling abilities to help others while helping myself reduce the horrible stress and turmoil in my life." Thanks again, Christine

 Which values do you think were missing in Christine's work?  If you guessed peace and harmony you are correct. These values are very important to the Blue personality.

Blue Core Values:
A few of the core values of the Blue personality include:

Authenticity
Being acknowledged
Communication
Compassion
Creativity
Emotions
Honesty
Intuition
Spirituality
Teamwork

Blue Gifts and Talents:
Some of the natural gifts and talents seen in the Blue personality include:

Building rapport
Building self-esteem
Counseling
Facilitating groups
Inspiring others
Listening
Helping others
Mentoring
Nurturing
Supporting others
Training

Blue Career Choices:
Although there are hundreds of career choices suited for the Blue personality, I'll list just a few here.

Art Therapist
Career Coach
English Teacher
Foreign Language Interpreter
Greeting Card Writer
Gynecologist
Hypnotherapist
Journalist
Metaphysical Teacher
Pediatrician
Psychiatric Social Worker
Psychology Teacher
Talk show Host/Hostess

How did Christine's knowledge of her core values resolve her problems with her work?

She decided that teaching law classes at the college level would eliminate the need for the confrontation that comes with the territory of being a litigation attorney. Most important she would feel more peace and harmony and still be able to help others which is what initially attracted her to the profession. Christine didn't have to abandon her education and experience. Instead, she made another career choice that took away the stress by honoring her core values.

What motivates one person will not necessarily do so for another. If you are feeling stress or dissatisfaction with your work, check to see if you are compromising your own core values. Knowing your color spectrum will help you understand what motivates you. [top]

Issue #22: Finding Neverland!
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.

What has made Peter Pan a story that has lasted a hundred year? Does it take us back to our youth and awaken the inner child in us? The movie, Finding Neverland, takes place in 1904 London as we watch James Barrie, played by Johnny Depp, discover the magic as he creates this play.

Many of the characters in this movie are shown as staunch Gold personalities, some of which still carries over today in London. The characters are prim and proper, always dressed with coat and tie even when they go to the park to play. They are very polite and they have a very strong code of moral conduct.

Along comes an Orange, James Barrie. He starts playing with 4 young boys and his imagination takes over, letting his orange break through his Gold English training. At dinner with the boys he shows them how to hang a spoon off his nose. Another time he shows up in an Indian costume ready to play. All this to the scorn of his wife and Julie Christie, who plays the grand mother of the 4 boys. Julie Christie plays the adversarial roll of a very strong Gold who is intent on crushing James Barrie's fun and making his orange behavior wrong.

Oranges can make us laugh and can inspire us in ways we have forgotten. They can be very persuasive and often excel in sales. James Barrie used all these orange skills as he lets Peter Pan bring out the inner child in us. This is the little kid we keep stuffed away inside us. He or she is that inner voice that wants to run and play and just fly away to Neverland where we can slay pirates and alligators and never grow up. It took an Orange playwright, stuck in the gold mentality of old London, to remind us of our magic. 

Every color has its strengths and Oranges are best for making us laugh. I'm grateful that James Barrie and Peter Pan came along 100 years ago with such a wonderful message that still fascinates us today. [top]

Issue #23: Find Gold in the New Year
by Carolyn Kalil

Have you made plans for each new year only to end up repeating past mistakes? Since we are creatures of habits why should 2005 be any different? One way is to tap into that Gold part of your personality that knows how to plan and organize your life but, then again, if Gold is your last color, it may not make much of a difference. It's more important to spend time focusing on your natural strengths rather than your weaknesses and maybe organizational skills are your greatest challenge.

So what should you do?  You can always hire a personal coach or someone to help you organize your life but why not barter with a Gold friend instead. This personality type is the best when it comes to these skills because they do it naturally. Ask someone you know who is a primary or even secondary Gold to help you set goals for next year, get organized, and monitor your progress. You can offer to trade one of your talents for their service.

Gold Core Values:
A few of the core values of the Gold personality include:

            Accuracy
            Authority
            Completion
            Decisiveness
            Dependability
            Duty
            Facts
            Morality
            Orderliness
            Predictability
            Punctuality
            Rules
            Security

Gold Gifts and Talents:
Some of the natural gifts and talents seen in the Gold personality include:

            Attending to details
            Budgeting
            Caretaking
            Following directions
            Follow through
            Managing
            Organizing
            Planning
            Preparing
            Serving

Gold Career Choices:
Although there are hundreds of career choices suited for the Gold personality, I'll list just a few here.

            Accountant
            Auditor
            Bank Officer
            Closet Organizer
            Court Reporter
            Elementary School Teacher
            Financial Planner
            Legal Assistant
            Librarian
            Nurse
            Police Officer

None of us is good at everything so we need to be smart enough to know how to compensate for our weaknesses. Like all effective teams, we can rely on others who have strengths that we lack. Each member seeks help from partners to do things that they can't quite master. If Gold skills do not come naturally to you, give yourself a break and ask your Gold friends for help. [top]

Issue #24: What Type is Your Buyer
by Curtis Blair

While product knowledge certainly plays a significant role in the success of sales people, the ability to relate effectively with buyers ultimately determines their success. Throughout our sales careers, the most exposure many of us get to understanding personality types was what our peers or managers tell us. "Treat them the way you want to be treated," is the advice we commonly receive.

If we change our focus from ourselves to the personality types of our clients, we would be in a unique and advantageous position to listen, understand and relate to people in the ways THEY prefer. We would move from being self-centred to being customer-centred. And we would significantly increase our sales effectiveness, shorten our sales cycles and strengthen our customer relationships.

Here is an overview of each buyer personality:

Gold buyers are traditionalists; they look to what worked in the past and see no reason to change. They seek practical, proven solutions that are the recognized standards. Golds have no use for leading edge technologies or approaches. They will not be beta test sites for any vendor.

Orange buyers are very focused on the task at hand and accomplishing it as soon as possible so they can move on to something else. They love to negotiate and will quickly cut to the chase. They usually make their decisions based on immediate, tangible results.

Green buyers are ideas-oriented visionaries; they look beyond what is available and contemplate what is possible. Green buyers are knowledge-focused - they want information, and lots of it! They are inherently sceptical of sales people and are looking for truth and proof of ability. Social conversation is not a priority. Being articulate is.

Blue buyers are future oriented and people-centred; they look for possibilities and potential in what vendors have to offer and enjoy social banter. They are non-judgemental and very willing to develop collegial, collaborative business relationships with vendors who are honest and non-confrontational.

People prefer to buy from people they know, like and trust. Our ability to connect with buyers in meaningful ways plays a major role in developing trust. Each buyer personality type looks for specific behaviour indicators that are consistent with their own. By selling to the unique personality type of buyers, we are honouring their needs - and making it easy for them to say "yes."

Curtis Blair
West Creek Resources, Canada
w.creek@telus.net
Copyright (c) 2004 Curtis Blair
Curtis is a professional trainer specializing in sales training, career development and teambuilding and our representative in Canada. [top]


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