Success Comes in 4
Colors
Issue #1: Margaret Cho Shows her
Colors
As I was drifting off to sleep the other
night, I inadvertently turned to a Showtime special by stand up comedian,
Margaret Cho, entitled "I'm The One That I Want." She had her own TV show
in the 90's called the All American Girl.
Well, so much for falling to sleep. Her compelling story kept me awake for
another hour vacillating between laughing and feeling deep sympathy for
this talented young lady. Margaret is a good example of someone who was
totally out-of-esteem from living her life according to everyone else's
expectations. She joked about how she never felt accepted by anyone,
anyplace she had ever been her whole life including her family, the kids
in school, and her own Asian community. She eventually lost her TV show
because she wasn't Asian enough for the network sponsors, was an
embarrassment to the Asian community, and was not thin enough for the
viewers and her producers.
Her outspoken personality didn't fit the image that people expect from
Asians. The stereotypical Asian person has a quiet, humble, and more
subdued personality with Gold values. But Margaret has an extraverted,
spontaneous, free-spirited, Orange personality, which is who she is and
this transcends her race and culture. After almost killing herself through
drugs and alcohol, she finally woke up and realized who she was - she
found her true self. She is now embraced by her audience and receiving all
the love, applause, and accolades that she always craved and never got
from anyone before.
This is what happens when we wake up and discover who we are and live our
life as the person we were born to be. Doing what we were born to do
naturally follows. Watching Margaret perform leaves not doubt in my mind
that she is a natural born comedian. Kudos to Margaret!
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Issue #2: Know Anyone
Who Hates Their Job
I get letters saying how people have worked most of their lives in a job
they hated. Way back, their parents told them this is the way it's going
to be and they accepted it. Here is a case story of a green trapped in
gold work.
For most of my life I have struggle with being "green"... I shared your
book with my family this last weekend. As it turns out BOTH of my parents
are very strong "golds". We have always had a general misunderstanding
about thoughts and ideas. They get frustrated because I am constantly
trying new things, going new places, formalizing new ideas for the future.
All my life I had dreamed of being a veterinarian. Instead I let family
obligation over-take and ended up becoming Vice President of my father's
corporation. It was work that I suffered with for many years because of
its mundane daily process and my father's authoritarian management style.
I enjoyed creating new projects, expanding, and modernizing but when the
ideas were "shot down" I lost interest. Two years ago I finally broke
away. Since I have read your book, I have been reacquainted with that life
long dream of being a veterinarian. You have inspired and empowered me. I
wish I would have read your book when I was my student's age.....I might
have made different choices. Which leads me to tell you how important I
think your book is for all ages but especially young adolescents. I didn't
know who I was in my teens. "Follow Your True Colors to The Work You Love"... would have been so
helpful to me to find strength in who I was at the time. I believe
everyone is born with a gift of "right livelihood" and that is always the
thing that they love most as a child. I think it is so important for
children to understand that they are special and that they have special
gifts to share with the world. I think your book does a wonderful job of
facilitating that inner work. I had so much fun sharing your book with
this group of "future veterinarians" and inspiring them to believe in
themselves and their dreams. It is such important work.
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Issue
#3: Oprah Makes a Billion Dollars by "just breathing"
Oprah Winfrey is a perfect example of someone who knows who she is and
uses her true talents - her God-given talents to earn a living and make a
contribution to the world. I once read an article where she said that when
she first saw the job title - talk show host - she said "I can do that,
that's like breathing." For Oprah, no truer words were ever spoken. When
we watch her day after day on her national TV show we know that she is
certainly living her life on purpose and reaping the benefits.
Oprah has cracked the code! She figured out what she does best and she is
doing it. She is a natural born communicator who speaks from her heart and
inspires millions of people to live their best life.
What is Oprah's formula for success? It's so simple you could miss it.
Each of the four personalities has unique gifts and when they tap into
these and use them, they have a greater chance of being successful. Oprah
is a true blue. You too, can be successful by learning your "colors"
and using your natural skills and talents.
Notice how Oprah doesn't struggle and her work flows effortlessly. When
you show up and be who you are and do what you do best, like Oprah, it
will feel like breathing.
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Issue #4: How the
different colors work
When I look around at the different hot jobs in Los Angeles, I'm drawn to
the growing number of Pilates studios. Most gyms are also starting to
offer Pilates. What is Pilates and what personality type would enjoy doing
this work? First, Pilates is a gentle form of exercise that uses springs,
ropes and pulleys to workout your body. I did it last year and toned up
quite a bit. My neighbor has found it's the only exercise to strengthen
his sore back. It seems to be geared more for women and is generally
taught by women. It's an exercise where you always have a personal trainer
helping you.
So what type of personality enjoys being a Pilates trainer?
If you're a blue personality you could really get into helping people.
Plus the conversations during the workout would play into your
communications skills.
If you're a gold personality, you would be really good at keeping
schedules and workout plans for all your clients. Your joy would be in the
perfect execution and a satisfied client. However, the lack of a
structured 9 to 5 routine may diminish your desire for this type of work.
On the other hand, oranges seem to love this work. They are not tied down
to a desk from 9 to 5. The freedom of a private practice and being in a
gym environment appeals to most oranges. At my gym most of the trainers
are orange. I have an athletic orange niece who would make an excellent
Pilates trainer. She loves to talk and would keep her clients entertained
during their session.
Greens may not find this work the most appealing because after the first
week there may not be enough mental stimulation for them. Greens love how
the machines work and how they interact with the body. For some greens,
this mechanical fascination and good pay would entice them to this line of
work.
In summary, some jobs are more appealing to one type of personality. If
your first color is not a good match, perhaps your second color is calling
you to that profession.
If you don't know your colors, take my free quiz at
www.truecolorscareer.com and also see my book, Follow Your True Colors To
The Work You Love.
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Issue #5: Caged Animal -
Free Spirit
Cheryl had been a successful pharmacist for over 22 years. The pay was
great, the stress was low, yet she knew that her recent illness was not
curable by any of the drugs she dispensed. She knew after two years in the
field that she was in the wrong job, but the money and security and all
the years of education and training kept her going in this career.
She had a wake up call one day and became a seeker to figure out what was
causing her health to deteriorate? Deep down she felt it was the job that
she hated. All the money she made could not fix this. If she didn't change
something her life would be sucked out of her. She was getting desperate.
When I met Cheryl the first thing she told me was that she hated her job.
After spending some time assessing her personality the words, “you must
feel like a caged animal” popped out of my mouth. She looked at me in
amazement and said “how did you know.”
How did I know this? The answer is not difficult when you understand a
person's true values and their natural talents. In Cheryl's case, she was
out of alignment with both. She is an Orange personality doing work better
suited for a Gold, her opposite. Filling prescriptions day in and day out
just did not satisfy her soul.
There is no coincidence that our paths crossed at this time. Shortly after
our conversation which helped her understand herself better and what made
her heart sing, she quit her job. She decided not to totally leave her
field of work but figured out a way to use her transferable skills in her
new work. She went to work as a Union Business Agent for the UFCW (United
Food Commercial Workers). Now she represents the issues of many
pharmacists and others who are employed in drug stores. She spends her day
traveling from one location to another visiting with the clients that she
represents. She is actually getting paid to use her most enjoyable skill –
communicating with others. The freedom, spontaneity, and variety in her
work satisfies her true values. These are her true orange values and
natural talents she had been suppressing for over 22 years.
When I see Cheryl now, she is a different person. The caged animal has
been liberated and her spirit is soaring. It's often difficult to leave a
lucrative job, although it dampens your spirit. Cheryl took a leap of
faith, silently guided by her spirit, trusting that she would land safely.
You don't necessarily have to abandon your education and experience to
find more satisfying work. Find out how to do your job differently in your
field by networking with your colleagues and others. The key is to use
your true values and your most enjoyable skills. This is the secret to
feeling passionate about your work.
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Issue #6: Disabled
Body - Unlimited Mind
Fresh out of graduate school, Tisa had dreams of a bright future awaiting
her as a counselor. She had trained her collegiate life for this and had
earned her MA degree in Educational Psychology and Counseling. But in the
summer of 1979 shortly after graduating from the University of California,
Berkeley, Tisa was in a car accident that wrecked her body, leaving her
paralyzed as a quadriplegic with a little motion in her right hand.
She worked for a short time as an advocate for the disabled out of the
concern for those worse off than her, but she never forgot her dream of
being a counselor. She went to the Department of Rehabilitation, thinking
they could help her find work. She explained that she had a degree in
counseling and asked them to help with employment in this field. They
responded “we will help you get a job but not in counseling because it's
too difficult, too competitive, and you won't stand a chance.”
Unknowingly, they also broke her spirit.
Feeling desperate and thinking this is better than sitting at home, Tisa
left the office that day with a job as a representative for State
Disability Employment Insurance. Her job was to sit at a computer and
process claim forms for deceased people. She struggled with the routine of
doing the same old thing every day for 8 hours. After a year she was so
bored and depressed the she knew she could not continue to do this work.
She told her employer that she was going to quit and they said “if you
quit, you're on your own.”
This may have been enough to discourage many in her condition but not Tisa.
She was not about to let her physical limitations limit her. All the
security in the world was not worth her sacrificing her passion.
She did quit and began to pursue a counseling job on her own. When I first
met Tisa she was volunteering for the Special Resources Center for people
with disabilities at the college where I was working as a counselor. I was
so impressed with her skills that I invited her to a True Colors workshop.
She did the personality assessment and I could see that she was an
Orange-Blue personality. Gold was her last color and this was the kind of
work the Rehab office had assigned her to.
Looking back at her job with State Disability Employment Insurance, the
skills required for her job processing claim forms are strengths for the
Gold color. Yet, Gold is her last color, representing her weaknesses. Is
there any reason why she hated her job? She had to focus all day on doing
tasks that she was not good at and had no interest in. Has this ever
happened to you?
I introduced Tisa to the person in charge of the counseling department and
she was instantly hired as a part time counselor because of her
credentials. Now, she is doing academic and career counseling which is her
dream. She loves being active so she didn't stop there. She is also
teaching career classes, speaking at conferences and doing workshop
presentations. Currently she is developing an on-line career development
class.
Today Tisa is living the life of her true self -- the Orange personality
-- with all the variety, fun, and excitement that she needs to keep her
interested. Her body was broken but her spirit wasn't. If she had stayed
in the job assigned to her, her spirit would have also been broken and the
world would never have experienced the true gifts of this incredible
woman.
What limits you from following your dreams?
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Issue #7: Opposites Attract But Can They Make Successful Business Partners
We have all heard the cliché “opposites attract,” referring to love
relationships but we may not have considered how productive this can be in
work partnerships. Opposite personality types bring different strengths to
a team effort and allow each person to contribute their special talents.
It becomes not only more fun for everyone involved but a much more
effective and efficient process.
Read about how this couple, who are opposite personalities, capitalized on
their different strengths to work together successfully.
“I want to let you know how wonderful your book is. My mother is a human
resources manager and attended a seminar where she bought your book and in
turn gave it to me. I was immediately drawn to learn more about myself and
urged my husband to read the book also.
At the time I was a miserable stay at home mom and my husband had been an
over worked, under paid restaurant manager for ten years. Although I am a
gold, blue and my husband is an orange, green we both had real estate in
the list of careers that would fit our personalities.
We both went to real estate school and now work together for a real estate
company. Since my husband is an orange he is not organized
at all. I am a gold who is an organizational fanatic. I keep in contact
with all the clients, set up showings, do all the paperwork and my husband
only has to do what he does best, which is sell, sell, sell. At the same
time I am able to take off with my daughter and still play mom, which
takes care of the blue in me.
We are now beginning our second year in real estate. We are projected to
double our income this year and anticipate much more rewards in the
future.
Thank you so much for your research and this fantastic book! It has
without a doubt, truly changed our lives for the better.”
TB Shreveport, LA
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Issue #8: Love it or Lose it
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.
A lot of people have lost their jobs due to offshore outsourcing. There is
a deeper spiritual issue at play here. Many people who worked in these
“Level 1” support positions took the job because it was there. Were they
really happy about the work they were doing? Sure, it paid the bills, but
did it satisfy their soul? Is this the work they were born to do? If this
was their ideal career and they really enjoyed their work, they will have
no problem finding similar or better work.
Major corporations find it cheaper to outsource their Level 1 phone
support to countries like India. I know that when I call for a computer
question or software support, the person I'm speaking to is in another
country. Even a company my husband worked for used workers in St. Kitts,
the Caribbean, to do data entry, paying them $6,000 per year versus
$40,000 in the US. As these positions are eliminated in the US, they are
never coming back, and workers who have been laid off due to outsourcing
need to use their transferable skills to find new work that they enjoy.
If you are not happy with your work, a spiritual law says that you will
not have it long. This unhappiness means that you need a change and if you
are not willing to make the change, the universe will make it for you.
Don't blame the corporations for off shoring your job. Everything happens
for a reason and you needed to get unstuck. For every door that closes, a
better one opens. But if you're stuck in a job you don't like, there is no
room for a new job to come through or for that door to swing open.
If you go into depression over the loss of a job, you are entering the
victim mode. “Why did this happen to me?” Anger and denial have the same
effect. They prevent you from moving on. How can you be ready for the next
opportunity while these feelings are holding you in the past?
If you feel like you current job is where you need to be for now, but you
don't like it, then you have to find something, other than a pay check,
that makes it enjoyable. It can be the social aspect, where your
interaction with others, is the most important work you do. If not, you
can fool yourself, but the universe never fools around.
How do you find that bigger and better door? What is the work that you
came here to do? When I started counseling many years ago, I could see
that people were really asking more than “what job should I get” but
rather “what should I do with my life?” I show people how to discover
their natural gifts and talents and then use them to find the work they
will love.
Everyone loves doing something and they are usually very good at it. It
comes naturally and is never considered work. This is what happens when
you use your unique gifts and talents.
In conclusion, if you are not loving the work you do, beware. If you are
not willing to make the change, it may be made for you. I feel there is a
“quickening” happening now as we shift from the Piscean to the Aquarian
age and as a result these decisions can happen suddenly.
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Issue
#9: Manage your Passion: What makes the best managers?
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.
In the best selling book, “First, Break All The Rules” by Marcus
Buckingham and Curt Coffman, they said that “talented employees need great
managers.” Excellent front-line managers had engaged their employees and
these engaged employees had provided the foundation for top performance.
After looking at 25 years of data, they said that great managers don't
follow the rules of conventional wisdom and summed up their motto in these
phases:
People don't change that much.
Don't waste time trying to put in what was left out.
Try to draw out what was left in.
That is hard enough
The first line says that each person has their own special gifts and
talents, which they bring to this world. They are born with these talents,
which can not be taught, whereas skills, like typing, and knowledge, like
programming, can be taught. You can not teach talent, you can only select
for talent.
Using a color spectrum as my frame of reference, your talents are expressed in
your primary color. It doesn't have to be a mystery what your talents are,
although 60% to 80% of the workforce is not using their talents in their
work or they wouldn't be so unhappy with their jobs. Your color spectrum gives you
many hints to your special talents.
Don't waste time trying to put in what was left out -- and – Maximize or
try to draw out what was left in. Your first two colors are your
strengths, the last two are your weaknesses. Good managers bring out a
person's strengths and work to increase these. When you work in your
strengths or talents, the work comes easy and time seems to fly. You feel
energized at the end of the day instead of being exhausted. When you work
in your weakness, the work seems difficult and draining.
When is comes to annual review time, most conventional managers grade
their employers on what was left out. They critique on the person's
weaknesses and set goals to improve these. There is never enough energy
devoted to praising the person for their strengths.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if your manager praised you for the work you do
using your talents and then said, “Let's devise a plan, a strategy, to use
your talents even more. Your success will bring us both success and
profitability for the company. I know you have weaknesses and let's manage
around those.” Draw out what's left in, don't worry about what's not
there. With this kind of review who would not want to excel, who wouldn't
look forward to each day of work joyfully.
Managing weaknesses might mean for a person who has a hard time filling
out expense reports, to get this task delegated to someone who loves doing
them, instead of demanding that the employee set aside two hours at the
end of the day to complete this mundane task.
So great managers recognize the natural talent and bring
this out. They don't worry about the weaker colors. They know people don't
change. You are born with your talents, they can not be learned. You just
use them naturally and get great satisfaction when using them. Great
managers recognize this talent in an individual even before the individual
does.
Great managers don't worry about the employee's weaknesses. They have
learned to build a team where the skills needed in your last color are
provided by others where this is their strength. I'll cover more about
team building in a future ezine.
How do great managers hire? They look for talent and see how the candidate
is using their gifts. I'll take a separate ezine to cover this.
Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D. -- Support and spouse to Carolyn Kalil
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Issue #10:
Decisions, Decisions, Decisions ...
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.
In the old days, actually just 5 years ago, the job market was wide open
and you often had a choice of jobs. Which offer should I take was often
the question. Today, you're lucky just to get one offer.
Today, we have to be more selective in a career search and smarter in our
quest. Just because a job pays well, does not mean you will enjoy it.
Enjoyment comes from doing what you love. It comes from matching the inner
game with the outer game. We all have unique gifts and talents we brought
into this life. It's important to discover and identify what these are.
They are the clues to the work you love. These clues may show up in your
hobbies, your daily conversations, or what you spend your down time doing.
These interests come from your inner game. When we're happy on the inside,
it's reflected on the outside. Start with your strengths and the
foundation is sturdy. I use a color spectrum to let people quickly find their
gifts.
Don't cop out and say “I'm good at everything.” That maybe true, but some
“things” bring you more enjoyment than others. Follow your joy. Think
about it, dream about it. Spiritual law says that you become, or manifest,
what you think about most of the time.
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Issue #11: Identify and
Attract
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.
When you identify what your heart wants, your passion, you
will be successful. If this is what you were born to do,
the universe is always working with you to bring this into
reality. The times it doesn't work is when you have doubting
thoughts that counteract the positive creative thoughts. Not
only do thoughts create good fortune, our thoughts can also
prevent us from achieving our goals. For example, “It won't
happen” or “I don't deserve this” or “I can't get a good
paying job” or “so-and-so won't do their part to make this
happen” or “what if I'm not good looking enough for this
position.” These negative thoughts all have the same effect.
They tell the universe that this is what you really want.
Stop working on my prior success track and start working on
my anti-success track. I seem to want this more.
We are all creators – so create good stuff, create exactly
what you want. We have to take responsibility for creating
the good and creating the bad in our lives. It's the same
process. The universe just takes our thoughts and fulfills
them. Nix the doubt. Follow your job. Remember – you create
what you think about most of the time.
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Issue #12: To
Give and Receive - the same thing
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.
Are you comfortable receiving compliments? Do you squirm or
feel obligated to return the compliment? Do you easily and
effortlessly give compliments? Or is it difficult for you to
give them? Maybe you never think to give them or you're not
in the habit of giving them?
In essence, giving and receiving are the same. You can't do
one without the other. It doesn't seem to matter what the
medium is. It can be giving money to charity, buying Boy Scout
raffle tickets, or donating your time to your local non-profit
group. In the case of compliments, it's just love and
human compassion. I'll focus mostly on compliments in this
article because they don't require material wealth and everyone
can give them. In the bigger picture, we can all share our
talents, our gifts that we brought to this world. Doing the
work you love is a giving of your gifts and sets you up for
receiving, either in the form of money or appreciation,
gratitude or love.
In colors terms you might think that only Blues are good at
giving compliments. They are always the ones to tell you how good you
look, how they like your outfit, or the way your smile brightens
your face. The Blues are the heartfelt and compassionate group
that wear their heart on their sleeve. When Golds receive a
compliment, they feel obligated to return one. Oranges will
acknowledge a compliment and feel good from it. Greens are either
embarrassed by them or ignore them.
First, when you don't acknowledge the compliment you are preventing
the giver from giving. The gift wasn't received. The giver already
knows at a deep level that the more he or she gives, the more they
will receive. For the giver this is called selfless giving. You give
freely because you want to and you expect nothing in return. The
Universe keeps score, like an energy balance, or the first law of
thermodynamics - "Energy is neither created or destroyed." When the
time is right, you get to receive. You just don't get to pick what,
when and how this will happen, but it always happens and it's always
good.
Give it a try. Give away compliments for a week. They don't have to
be fancy or special just
"You look great today!"
"I like your hair"
"You have beautiful eyes"
"What a lovely shirt"
If the receiver wants to reciprocate, try gently putting your hand up
as to say, "it's OK the only reply I'm expecting is 'thank you very
much'." It may take a while to "train" yourself and the receivers.
How do you feel when the receiver tries to compliment you back? Do you
feel cheated, like your compliment didn't mean anything, or it just
wasn't received. Your intent was selfless giving. How can you receive
if you can't give.
Sales people know if they give you a little gift you will feel
obligated to reciprocate and give in the form of buying. They give you
a $1 bottle of water and you buy a $20,000 car.
The Universal law doesn't care about the equality of the media.
We all need to share our talents, our gifts that we brought to this
world. When we give freely of our gifts, we feel wonderful, we feel
on purpose, and we are assured of receiving. Doing the work you love
sets you up for receiving, either in the form of money or
appreciation, gratitude or love, or all of these. No good deed is
ever left unrewarded. So the simple lesson that giving and receiving
are the same, turns out to be very powerful.
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Issue #13: Conflict
Resolution from Within
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.
Ever wonder why you get mad at your best
friend? Do you often wonder why someone is mad at you? Let's take a look
at our inner game and see how it influences our outer world.
I'm going to use the workplace in this example because it's easy to relate
to. In my past field, Information Technology, the many IT groups I've
worked with always had a bit of tension among their staff. The tension may
have come from miss-communication, jealousy, greed or sometimes from
non-verbal communication. There may be clicks within a department. In some
groups one person maybe singled out and discriminated against, but more
often there are several different groups, each of which wants your vote.
How does this start and how do you break this cycle?
I've seen it start where one person or group doesn't think highly of
someone. This may be related to conflicting personalities – or
temperaments. You could have one personality type ticked off at anyone who
is different from them. It doesn't matter if the “others” get their job
done, they didn't do it the way this type wanted to see it done. As a
result, the individuals in this group will create a story of why the other
person is wrong. This is called projection. We project our opinion, or our
story, to make the other person wrong and us right. We are always right,
no matter what. The “wronged” party may feel the animosity from the
accuser, but has no idea why. They just know that sides have been drawn
and they often chose not to challenge this “story.”
There are several exercises I use in workshops to change this. They all
have to do with forgiveness, but only self-forgiveness. It's not about the
other person. It's about forgiving yourself. You can be right or you can
be at peace.
Holding a grudge or being mad at a co-worker may not do anything to the
co-worker but it will take its toll on you. It's always in your best
interest to release this and let it go. Clear your channels so something
good can come in. As long as you hold onto these negative feelings, you've
blocked the way for all the good that is just waiting to come through. The
good is always there. It's always ready to enter, ready for us to use. We
just put up road blocks and forget why or what they're for. Sometimes, the
reason isn't even important, just something we made up. When one person
releases and heals, the whole group heals. I've seen such dramatic shifts
with simple release techniques.
Once we fix our inner game, success and harmony show up in our outer game.
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Issue #14: Mental Projection
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.
How do simple things get screwed up? My
friend told me that she was afraid that if her husband knew who she really
was, he would stop loving her and maybe even leave her. She felt she was
not pretty enough and not good enough for him. I could not believe what I
was hearing from this beautiful and caring woman. Somewhere down the line
she made up this story about herself and projected it into her reality
that this is who she really is. One little thought of self-doubt gave her
ego enough ammunition to take over. She panicked and finally told her
husband and he reassured her that he loved her and had no intention of
leaving her.
In another example of projection, I was speaking with a family member
about joining me for a Saturday bike ride. I didn't hear back from him
directly, but I heard through the grapevine that he was mad at me because
I thought he was fat and how dare I insinuate that he needed to work out.
My intent was only to find a partner to enjoy a bike ride with. He
“projected” his story over my invitation. He projected the thought that he
was overweight, not me.
We all do this “projection.” We project our feelings and current thoughts
into a situation. The other person (me in this case) never intended this
outcome, but that doesn't matter. We make up our own story and then own
it. Our ego takes over and is full control, defending our story. We will
be right, no matter what.
Now suppose I was the one making up the story. With my ego's projection, I
have now put the other innocent person in the jail. I have put them in my
prison – but who's really in prison. The other person is walking around
without a care in the world and wonders why they haven't heard from me.
I've created my own prison and I'm stuck, keeping them in it. How did I
just put myself in jail? The damage can go even deeper. When I hang onto
this “story,” which I made up, it represents a blockage of negative
thought energy. It can “harden” and become part of my physical being.
Days, weeks, months, years can go by and if not cleared, this “story”
hardens into a physical manifestation such as a sickness, stiff shoulders,
an ulcer, even cancer.
I've noticed that when I make up my stories, it's always starts with my
weaknesses. I know that my strengths are problem solving and getting
things done. My weaknesses are in organizing and not making call backs in
a timely manner. I can easily beat myself up over this, but I've learned
to recognize this as my weakness, which is my last card, and
stop beating myself up over it.
It's never about the other person and from my example above, it's all
about me and my story. How do you break out of this vicious cycle? It's
easy – just forgive yourself. You don't need to forgive the other person,
although you can, but it was never about them in the first place. It
started with me and will finish with me. When I release what I'm holding
on to, it's over and I can move on.
When one heals, we all heal. When I heal myself, the other person I put in
jail, just got a “get out of jail” card, even though he doesn't need it.
[top]
Issue #15: Life is Like a Kite
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.
The colorful kite is darting left, then
right, up, down. I'm at the beach watching a single line kite fly. The
wind is brisk but the kite won't stay in one place and there's no control
with a single line kite. When it starts to drop, you pull the line and
hope that it turns and sails upward. I like to fly the two string, delta
wing stunt kites, where you have complete control of the kite. I've
noticed that people fly these kites according to their personalities.
It's like we go into auto pilot with the kite and our personality come
shinning through. For example, my flying partner is a gold. He makes the
most perfect squares and figure eights. This is the perfection that golds
strive for. When my son, an orange, flies he just likes to make the kite
spin in one direction and then the other, producing lots of noise and a
flurry of action. Occasionally a blue flies with me and they just like a
smooth back and forth. For them, it's the gentleness and beauty. My green
style, is not so much a style as it is an appreciation of how the kite
flies and the control I have over it. My style is to just be different. My
squares are more like rectangles and my figure eights look like capital
B's. I like pushing the kite to the limits of the wind, all the way to the
end of the wind envelop until the kite almost drops out of the sky and
then make a quick turn back into the wind. There is a trust that the wind
will do its part and I will do mine. There is little room for error. The
kite responds instantly to my directions and pulls with enough force to
almost lift me off my feet.
It dawns on me that life is like this kite I'm now watching. Most of the
time, it is on auto pilot and flies without a problem. It's when
circumstances change that it dips, changes direction, and all of a sudden
there's trouble. When something goes wrong in our life, like a
relationship, we let the ego tug our string instead of focusing on our
source. With a two string kite, we are in control of our destiny as body,
mind and spirit work seamlessly together. When we trust our auto-pilot,
our higher self, we always soar.
[top]
Issue
#16: Collateral
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.
Tom Cruise, as Vincent, puts himself in front
of Max, played by Jamie Fox, for a thrilling ride. Vincent is a
Green-Orange personality being well educated and always spouting words of
wisdom and Zen sayings. Max is a Gold-Blue personality with “the cleanest
cab I've ever been in” to the way he perfectly lines up his island getaway
photo on the sun visor. Max visits his mother every night and knows
precisely how long it takes to get from point to point. Vincent and Max
are exact opposites.
Vincent is on a 5 stop mission, a man of action, while Max is on a 12 year
part time gig – driving a cab. In a jazz club, Vincent tells Max to listen
behind the music and feel what's going on. These two are so different yet
each one has a message for the other.
Max despises Vincent, not so much for his ability to kill without caring
but for the fact that Vincent is doing something with his misdirected life
instead of the safe job of driving a cab. Vincent is a mirror for Max, to
show Max what's wrong in his, Max's life. What Max reacts to in Vincent
are actually the short comings in Max's own life and Vincent even spells
it out for Max.
Now the mirror works both ways. If Vincent is showing Max what changes he
needs to make, what is Max showing Vincent? Vincent has trouble with the
fact that Max is pure, without an evil bone in his body. Max would rather
back off than have an argument. I think Vincent can learn compassion from
Max, whose hard green exterior shuts off all emotion to the point where
killing is just a job. The lessons we don't learn, we are doomed to repeat
again and again.
What is your mirror showing you? What events keep reoccurring in your
life?
[top]
Issue #17: It's a Green Thing
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.
You don't have to be a Green personality to
appreciate this article because we all know a green that it could apply
to. I've noticed two green things I did unconsciously yesterday. I have a
habit of defending myself in preparation for an attack. This shows up as a
“know it all” attitude and I often express it in a way “that I know
everything, thus you can't attack me on this.” I (my ego) am constantly on
the lookout for attack.
While I was on the bike path, I was getting ready to pass a teenager on a
slow moving 3 wheeler rental bike. It's always good and safe practice to
pass on the left but this cycler was inching to the left. Decision time –
was I going to pass on the right as there was no more room on the left or
slow down and avoid a crash. My instinct said to hold back and sure enough
the cycler made a right turn from the left lane. I yelled at him to look
before he turned next time. I felt self righteous after I had attacked
this innocent kid. Then it dawned on me what I had done. It was my
defense-attack mode. Deep down I felt awful for yelling at this kid. On
the other hand, I was elated that I had caught myself practicing my old
habit. I silently thanked the kid for helping me see this.
Soon I was at my car, which was parked on the street facing downhill. A
little BMW325i was parked behind me and was really crammed into the space
leaving me little room to load my bike on the rack. There I was
criticizing the driver for making me bend and contort to put my bike on
the rack. There was less than 1 foot of room behind the BMW so this driver
must have worked hard to squeeze into this spot. Well, today was the day
for my lessons. What are the chances of the BMW driver coming up right
then to leave? My inner voice was ready to pick a fight. “OK dude, let's
see you get out of this space without hitting my car or bike – I dare
you!” Then all of a sudden it hit me what I was doing. I had invited this
situation, just like the kid on the bike a half hour ago. I quickly got
the driver's attention and told him to wait a minute while I moved my car
forward. He was relieved and thankful and I felt good. I abandoned my
defend-attack mode and offered love instead. The Course in Miracles says
“If I defend, I am attacked.” I was a living example of this.
All this has happened because I asked for a change. My Green behavior was
getting me stuck in a rut. I needed a change. I started “The Artist's Way”
three days earlier and was doing my “morning pages” when I started to
sense a shift. I've been letting the loud ego voice unconsciously control
me. There was no room for the soft, sweet voice of spirit to come through.
The morning pages made perfect sense to my green mind. Let the ego vent on
these pages and when it is done, there is a space for a kind gentle voice
to make itself heard. Deep down I knew this would work and I was
witnessing the results. That same night I said “Yes!” when my wife said
she wanted to see the movie De-Lovely. I was not excited about seeing this
because the critics had panned it, but I put away that defend-attack voice
and said yes and thoroughly enjoyed the movie. I loved it. It was magical
how Cole Porter created his lyrics to express his love and feelings. I've
taken a lesson from Cole Porter in how to express my real feelings and not
use the passive-agressive of my past.
If you're not familiar with “The Artist's Way” here is a link to it on
Amazon:
The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Inner Workbook)
[top]
Issue #18: To
Every Seasons, Turn, Turn,Turn
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.
Recently three people in my life have life
threatening illnesses. The Green in me wants to figure it out so I can
offer them healing advice. After all, who knows more than a Green. “Listen
to me, do as I tell you and you will be OK. I know how to heal you” so
says the green voice in my head. This may be fine and dandy but the people
who are in ill health don’t need my green opinions and most times don’t
even want to hear them.
Fortunately, I live with a Blue companion, Carolyn,
and she had me back off on my approach, which is really hard for a green.
I mean really hard because I’m a green know it all. She had me put on a
blue hat to do this work. Even though blue is my third color, when I drop
my ego “know it all” and accept the compassionate blue role, the people
I’m dealing with have an easier time listening and hearing what I have to
say. This is a lesson for me, but one that I could only learn by adopting
my shadow color side. At least my green side figured out that it could not
help, but it could evoke another mode that could. That green is always
thinking and scheming. As Otis Redding said, “it’s time for peace and
understanding.”
When I approach my friends with the blue card first,
they listen and don’t put up their guard. They respond and offer more info
than I had asked for. It brings out their blue side and in so doing, opens
a door for their own healing to come through.
Let’s see if this example can illustrate it. My uncle
is suffering from kidney and liver problems, most probably brought on by
diabetes. The easiest approach is to criticize his eating habits and say
“See what happens when you eat this way!” This just throws up his defenses
and blocks all further conversations. The Blue approach is to honor his
choices and ask him how he feels after eating certain foods and why. Let
him draw his own conclusions as to cause and effect. There are many ways
for him to control the diabetes without focusing on blame or shame.
Treating him with love and compassion seems to have the most desirous
effect.
If I approach this case with my Green or Orange side,
he would never hear my message. My Gold side wants to go and cook for him,
force feed him and nurse him back to health. He will probably rebel
against this and fall even lower after I leave. It’s the compassion,
acceptance without blame or judgment that wins the race. If he decides to
drastically change his diet and lifestyle, that’s great. If he doesn’t,
that’s also great. It is his choice, not mine, no matter how much I want
him to change. I have to honor his choice and support him in it.
This has been a tough-love lesson for me. With the
approach I have taken, I now feel good, regardless of the outcome. In my
Green approach, I would only feel good if he took my advice. This is all
part of selfless giving. I can give without expecting anything in return.
I’ve honored his spirit and leave him with his dignity and self-esteem.
“It’s time for peace and understanding.”[top]
Issue #19: Ladder 49
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.
Joaquin Phoenix plays fireman Jack Morrison, who is
stuck in a blazing building and reliving all the memorable moments in his
life. These scenes show Orange or Blue incidents in his life. Jack is
definitely a primary Orange and a secondary Blue, and almost everyone at
Station 49, where he works, is a primary Orange. They like to party hard
and play pranks on each other. There is never a dull moment and the orange
scenes always involve a gag or the heat and danger of a blazing fire.
There is danger everywhere and this is what Jack lives for. Jack’s blue
side is used to make him loveable as we’re shown him falling in love and
playing with his kids.
Jack says he loves what he does. He is always on the
edge, ready to risk his life to save someone else’s. He says outright that
he loves the action and the adventure. After one of his friends is killed
in a fire, he questions his faith and he is offered a safe desk job. He
tells his wife, who would have him take it so she doesn’t have to worry
about him. But he realizes, that even though he can make her happy with
the desk job (a gold job), he will not be happy. He has a tough choice to
make and he decides to follow his passion – saving others.
We all have times in our lives when we can take the
safe and perhaps dull road. We may get financial stability, but we give up
a major part of ourselves when we do so. We deny our passion and no matter
how much money we make we are never satisfied. We always feel unfulfilled.
Jack made the right choice and lived his life to the fullest.[top]
Issue #20:
It's Not Easy Being Green
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.
Kermit the Frog had it right. Sometimes my green just
gets in the way. Or when I get together with another green, we tend to
lock out everyone who is not green. I was helping a neighbor, who is an
electrical engineer, fix his computer. We started talking, mostly telling
each other stories about science feats that we’ve done in the past. These
are the kind of stories only another green could appreciate, let alone
understand. Soon it escalated into one up man-ship to see who could tell
the best story. This is where the science involved is just over the head
of the other person, but still intriguing and requires a stretch.
I had to bow to my neighbor. His story about the
know-it-plant was the best. When he was a grad student long ago, he
participated in an experiment to see if they could get a plant to turn the
lights on and water itself. They selected a rubber plant and hooked it up
to an EKG, the same medical instrument used to measure heart beats.
Every day at the same time, a student researcher came
into the room and tortured the plant by playing loud music, pinching the
leaves and talking harshly. The EKG traces were low. Exactly 30 minters
later, the good researcher came in and played soothing music, talked
softly to the plant, watered it and gave it a pinch of fertilizer. The EKG
pattern got higher. After two weeks, they noticed that the plant responded
favorably on the EKG even before the good researcher came into the room.
Actually, the plant knew when the good researcher was within 250 feet. He
could be outside the building with the doors shut and the plant knew he
was there, regardless of the time of day.
They didn’t
have an explanation for this but being electrical engineers, they took the
high signal from EKG and used it to turn on the lights and water. I know
the answer now, but back then who knew that plants had “awareness.” There
is a movie out now called “What the ‘Blink’ do we know.” It’s mix of when
quantum physics meets metaphysics – just like this plant experiment 30
years ago. This is the neat part of being green. [top]
Issue #21:
Is Your Work Meeting Your Core Values?
by Carolyn Kalil
We cannot underestimate the
importance of the core values that we hold near and dear to us. Yet, they
are often overlooked because they are hidden from us. While we cannot see
our values they motivate how we think, feel and behave. If the work we do
daily compromises what we care about most we will experience a lot of
stress and feelings of dissatisfaction on the job.
A good example of this is
an email below that I received from a woman who is a Blue personality and
a family litigation attorney.
“WOW! Your book is awesome. I’ve done several of the careers already in
the blue section and am currently a family litigation attorney. Thanks to
you, I now know why on the one hand I gain great satisfaction helping
others, especially the underdog, but I feel almost sick and want to
procrastinate until the end whenever I have to be confrontational or get
confrontational documents from other aggressive attorneys. I have decided
with the help of your book, to return to teaching (I was a high school
English teacher before law school), but at the college level utilizing my
law degree, communication skills and counseling abilities to help others
while helping myself reduce the horrible stress and turmoil in my life.”
Thanks again, Christine
Which values do you think
were missing in Christine’s work? If you guessed peace and harmony you
are correct. These values are very important to the Blue personality.
Blue Core Values:
A few of the core values of the Blue personality include:
Authenticity
Being acknowledged
Communication
Compassion
Creativity
Emotions
Honesty
Intuition
Spirituality
Teamwork
Blue Gifts and Talents:
Some of the natural gifts and talents seen in the Blue personality
include:
Building rapport
Building self-esteem
Counseling
Facilitating groups
Inspiring others
Listening
Helping others
Mentoring
Nurturing
Supporting others
Training
Blue Career Choices:
Although there are hundreds of career choices suited for the Blue
personality, I’ll list just a few here.
Art Therapist
Career Coach
English Teacher
Foreign Language Interpreter
Greeting Card Writer
Gynecologist
Hypnotherapist
Journalist
Metaphysical Teacher
Pediatrician
Psychiatric Social Worker
Psychology Teacher
Talk show Host/Hostess
How did Christine’s
knowledge of her core values resolve her problems with her work?
She decided that teaching
law classes at the college level would eliminate the need for the
confrontation that comes with the territory of being a litigation
attorney. Most important she would feel more peace and harmony and still
be able to help others which is what initially attracted her to the
profession. Christine didn’t have to abandon her education and experience.
Instead, she made another career choice that took away the stress by
honoring her core values.
What motivates one person
will not necessarily do so for another. If you are feeling stress or
dissatisfaction with your work, check to see if you are compromising your
own core values. Knowing your color spectrum will help you understand what
motivates you. [top]
Issue #22: Finding
Neverland!
by Emil K. Kalil, Ph.D.
What has made Peter Pan a story that has lasted a
hundred year? Does it take us back to our youth and awaken the inner child
in us? The movie, Finding Neverland, takes place in 1904 London as we
watch James Barrie, played by Johnny Depp, discover the magic as he
creates this play.
Many of the characters in this movie are shown as
staunch Gold personalities, some of which still carries over today in
London. The characters are prim and proper, always dressed with coat and
tie even when they go to the park to play. They are very polite and they
have a very strong code of moral conduct.
Along comes an Orange, James Barrie. He starts
playing with 4 young boys and his imagination takes over, letting his
orange break through his Gold English training. At dinner with the boys he
shows them how to hang a spoon off his nose. Another time he shows up in
an Indian costume ready to play. All this to the scorn of his wife and
Julie Christie, who plays the grand mother of the 4 boys. Julie Christie
plays the adversarial roll of a very strong Gold who is intent on crushing
James Barrie’s fun and making his orange behavior wrong.
Oranges can make us laugh and can inspire us in ways
we have forgotten. They can be very persuasive and often excel in sales.
James Barrie used all these orange skills as he lets Peter Pan bring out
the inner child in us. This is the little kid we keep stuffed away inside
us. He or she is that inner voice that wants to run and play and just fly
away to Neverland where we can slay pirates and alligators and never grow
up. It took an Orange playwright, stuck in the gold mentality of old
London, to remind us of our magic.
Every color has its strengths and Oranges are best
for making us laugh. I’m grateful that James Barrie and Peter Pan came
along 100 years ago with such a wonderful message that still fascinates us
today. [top]
Issue #23:
Find Gold in the New Year
by Carolyn Kalil
Have you made plans for each new year only to end up
repeating past mistakes? Since we are creatures of habits why should 2005
be any different? One way is to tap into that Gold part of your
personality that knows how to plan and organize your life but, then again,
if Gold is your last color, it may not make much of a difference. It’s
more important to spend time focusing on your natural strengths rather
than your weaknesses and maybe organizational skills are your greatest
challenge.
So what should you do? You can always hire a
personal coach or someone to help you organize your life but why not
barter with a Gold friend instead. This personality type is the best when
it comes to these skills because they do it naturally. Ask someone you
know who is a primary or even secondary Gold to help you set goals for
next year, get organized, and monitor your progress. You can offer to
trade one of your talents for their service.
Gold Core Values:
A few of the core values of the Gold personality include:
Accuracy
Authority
Completion
Decisiveness
Dependability
Duty
Facts
Morality
Orderliness
Predictability
Punctuality
Rules
Security
Gold Gifts and Talents:
Some of the natural gifts and talents seen in the Gold personality
include:
Attending to details
Budgeting
Caretaking
Following directions
Follow through
Managing
Organizing
Planning
Preparing
Serving
Gold Career Choices:
Although there are hundreds of career choices suited for the Gold
personality, I’ll list just a few here.
Accountant
Auditor
Bank Officer
Closet Organizer
Court Reporter
Elementary School Teacher
Financial Planner
Legal Assistant
Librarian
Nurse
Police Officer
None of us is good at everything so we need to be
smart enough to know how to compensate for our weaknesses. Like all
effective teams, we can rely on others who have strengths that we lack.
Each member seeks help from partners to do things that they can’t quite
master. If Gold skills do not come naturally to you, give yourself a break
and ask your Gold friends for help. [top]
Issue #24:
What Type is Your Buyer
by Curtis Blair
While product knowledge certainly plays a significant role in the success
of sales people, the ability to relate effectively with buyers ultimately
determines their success. Throughout our sales careers, the most exposure
many of us get to understanding personality types was what our peers or
managers tell us. "Treat them the way you want to be treated," is the
advice we commonly receive.
If we change our focus from ourselves to the personality types of our
clients, we would be in a unique and advantageous position to listen,
understand and relate to people in the ways THEY prefer. We would move
from being self-centred to being customer-centred. And we would
significantly increase our sales effectiveness, shorten our sales cycles
and strengthen our customer relationships.
Here is an overview of each buyer personality:
Gold buyers are traditionalists; they look to what worked in the past and
see no reason to change. They seek practical, proven solutions that are
the recognized standards. Golds have no use for leading edge technologies
or approaches. They will not be beta test sites for any vendor.
Orange buyers are very focused on the task at hand and accomplishing it as
soon as possible so they can move on to something else. They love to
negotiate and will quickly cut to the chase. They usually make their
decisions based on immediate, tangible results.
Green buyers are ideas-oriented visionaries; they look beyond what is
available and contemplate what is possible. Green buyers are
knowledge-focused - they want information, and lots of it! They are
inherently sceptical of sales people and are looking for truth and proof
of ability. Social conversation is not a priority. Being articulate is.
Blue buyers are future oriented and people-centred; they look for
possibilities and potential in what vendors have to offer and enjoy social
banter. They are non-judgemental and very willing to develop collegial,
collaborative business relationships with vendors who are honest and
non-confrontational.
People prefer to buy from people they know, like and trust. Our ability to
connect with buyers in meaningful ways plays a major role in developing
trust. Each buyer personality type looks for specific behaviour indicators
that are consistent with their own. By selling to the unique personality
type of buyers, we are honouring their needs - and making it easy for them
to say "yes."
Curtis Blair
West Creek Resources, Canada
w.creek@telus.net
Copyright (c) 2004 Curtis Blair
Curtis is a professional trainer specializing in sales training, career
development and teambuilding and our representative in Canada. [top]
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